I didn't make it up

The other day I was watching "The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour," thats a really zaney show they used to do in the 1970s and afterwards I was singing this song from it that just got stuck in my head. It went like this, "His name was bad, bad Leroy Brown, the baddest man in the whole damn town, badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog." Anyhoo, someone heard me and asked if I'd made it up. I said I hadn't and it was on TV. They didn't believe me and said, "You're the writer, you should know the word "badder isn't in the English Language." So I said, "Yes I do know isn't, so I wouldn't make that song up, would I?"

The chip basket

Heres another one about my mom, shes got things now where sometimes struggles to find the word she needs, I call it altzheimer's desease. She asked me once if I wanted some chips and if I did that was fine but she hadn't got any oven chips. I said that I thought she had thrown the deep fat fryer away and she said, "I did but I kept a... a thing." "A what?" I asked, confused as to how you'd would go about frying food without a fryer. "You know what I mean..." she said annoyed now, "No mom I dont know what the hell you're talking about." By this time I was wishing I hadn't started this conversation, "You know... a thing! What you put the chips in..." "Newspaper..." I guessed without much enthusiasm. "No! Don't be stupid!" (No one would ever think that chips go in newspaper, would they? I mean really!) "It's like one of those things... ummm A CHIP BASKET thats what it is!"

God I was so glad she figured that out or I wouldn't have got any sleep that night...

Kid on trampoline

The house at the back of mine has one of those big sporting trampolines in the back garden, which the kid often plays on. Anyhoo, one day he seemed to be getting a little over excited on it and his dad shouted at him, "Steady on now, I `ent taking you to hospital with a broken neck!" I just did my signiture stare over the rim of my glasses and said to whoever was in the room, "No, if he breaks his neck, he will just leave him there. I wonder if he will be kind enough to take him to hospital if he breaks his arm?"

There's hope for me yet

Yesterday after my Shakespeare lecture I got this text from a friend and she said, "Hi, I'm in the book shop, which version of Henry VI do we need? I can only find part 3 here." I text her back and said, "It's Henry V and there is only one volume of it."

Daft things my mom said...

Okay well this won't be the only post involving my mom and the daft things she says, I promise there will be steady intervals of these. Tonight she made a comment about my untidy desk (she's never heard of organised mess, she prefers to put things away so that no one knows where they are,) "Caroline, there is hardly any room to swing a cat on this desk." So what, its not her table is it? So I just asked, "Well why would you want to swing a cat on my desk anyway?"

One time the other week we were out and she said, "I don't think we need a big coat today do we?" I gave her my corner of the eye, upwards stare that my Nan taught me and answered, "No I don't think so and its a good job as well because I don't think we have got one big enough for the two of us to fit in together!"

Food Technology

Last night I had a funny recolection of when I studied Food Technology when I was 16. Sometimes in lessons we had to cook something and because of my hands it wasn't really safe for me to cook without a teaching assistent to help me. Anyway even though I had help I was still getting all flustered and I was only making pasta salad. I was trying to put all my ingredients on to boil at once and my teaching assistent was standing over the stove. I remember saying, "Miss, I'm going to get another pan, I need to boil this," and her saying, "Just a minute Caroline, we got about six pans boiling here!" I just have one question now, what was I doing? You don't need that many pans for a Sunday dinner, nevermind a pasta salad!

Retrning to blogging after a ten month absence...

Before you say anthing, I know I have been gone for a long time. I get bored very easily you see, especially when there is nothing going on. That's what been the matter in terms of my writing so I have spent that length of time not having a baby, but trying to find some inspiration. I guess you can say I've been having a baby, because sometimes I have been reffering to this idea as my baby. Anyhoo, I am hoping this novel is going to show off my funny side so I am going to tell you some of the funny things that happen to me on a day to day basis. Here's something from yesterday,

I was in a corridor of the MB Block at uni, when this stupid and mithering woman stopped me and asked if I was okay. I replyed that I was and then shot back my usual response of, "You okay?" That's my way of saying, "I can't be bothered to work out if you're patronising me, but if you're not, you can interpret me as being polite. If you are then I am letting you know I can be just as condescending." She then asked me where I was going and when I said "To the lift," giving the usual shifty look I give when I want to say, "Back off and mind you own business." She then asked if I knew where the lift was! Now, baring in mind that this is my fifth year at that university, you would think I'd know my way around by now, wouldn't you?